Stepping out of the Lie

I know I already wrote something, but if you know the Lord, you understand that he changes you in ways you can’t even imagine. That’s what has happened to me.

First, I want to apologize to all of ya’ll and say that..basically this entire time for me in this youth group has basically been a lie, as far as my relationship with Christ. I thought I had him in my life..but I was still seeking him desperately. I put all of myself into different things to try to fill that desperate thirst for Him. I started going to all the events at church..literally every one I could. And I began to put on this front that I was some strong Christian that had this amazing relationship with Christ, and that I had truly been changed. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that it was all a lie.

It’s a very scary thing to figure out that an entire important year of your life has been a complete lie and that you have had very wrong intentions. I don’t know if you would know the feeling, but it happened to me and basically knocked me off my feet and it kind of shakes your faith right where you stand. You think that if you were pretending all this time, you would know that you really didn’t have this amazing relationship with God that you had been telling people you had, right? I had pretending so well that I had basically convinced myself that I really did have this relationship with Him. I know it sounds crazy..but like I really had. I had fooled everyone, including myself. So it scared me and shook my faith when I realized that it was all a lie.
I am so broken ya’ll. So broken I could not even tell you. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or anything like that at all. It’s not like that.

Now, I am so glad I was broken. Because through true pain and through true sorrow..you somehow find that light. God will show you that light at the end of the tunnel..and it may take like 371238173 years for you to see it..or for you to go with it..but he shows it to you. And it’s crazy to think that he is so big and he cares for me and you. Like, what the heck? I don’t even understand. I talked with Brian this past Thursday because..well I was just hurting horribly. And like we talked about all this stuff and I told him that it had all been a lie, and I really hadn’t asked Jesus to come into my life and be my savior and that I hadn’t made that commitment. And one thing he said to me just the image stuck in my mind..he said, “case, you do know that he died for YOU, right? Like, as he was walking up to be crucified and he was carrying the cross…he was thinking of YOU. And it was so hard for him..but because he was thinking of YOU it made him keep going. HE SAW YOUR FACE AND HE KEPT GOING. He died on the cross for YOU because he loves YOU so much.” and I had never in my life felt so loved..never in my life. I have not been blessed here on earth with the kind of Fatherly love that Jesus gives from my own earthly father. But, I have been blessed to have so many people here on earth that show me and love on me like Jesus loves me. I AM JACKED UP!! And when I was jacked up..He died on the cross for me. IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME AT ALL…not the least bit.. But it’s the truth.

The more time you spend trying to understand that whole fact, the more time you waste that could’ve been spent on an amazing walk with Christ. I wasted so much of my time not understanding the meaning of love because of so many reasons I can’t understand it. But like.. I can get a grasp of it from what I know of Jesus and what he’s done for me. And YOU.

I am so happy to say that I’m finally a Christian. I’ve finally accepting Him. When He’s always wanted me, I ignored it. I was craving Him. I was crying out for his love. And I could’ve had it a lot sooner..but I didn’t accept it. And now I have. I am a new person through Christ. I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! And that is so exciting! I’m not who I was..at all. And that right there, scares the heck out of me..but knowing that I have Christ in my heart and have this true relationship with him is worth more than anything that this world could offer. more than anything. I just want to leave this on your hearts you guys…is your relationship with Him real?

Are the experiences that you’ve had with him real?

Is the story that you tell others about yourself real?

Is there a story that you tell others?

if not, why haven’t you? Why haven’t you had this real experience..have you let him in your life? You could be shutting him out and not even knowing it. That was me. That was me you guys..right there. Shutting him out and not even knowing it. I mean, you tell me..how long are you gonna pretend for? Because I can tell you right now..it is not satisfying and the only thing that will ever satisfy you will be God’s love and that relationship with Him. You could spend your whole life pretending..I shocked myself on how long and how well I could fake it. Do you fake it? And if you do have a relationship with him, do you think it shows by the way you act in your every day life? Do you think people could pick you out of a bunch and say..man that girl has this awesome relationship with God? Or what..wherever you are in life..where do you stand with God? Think about it. I’m sure you’ll hear a lot more from me in the future because I am a new creation through Christ now..and man things will happen to me, and I’m so blessed to have this amazing church family to share them with. Thanks for listening guys! Find out where you stand this week..Love life and Jesus at the same time.

Casey Copus