Decisions. That word in its self is a big thing. You make decisions all the time. From the time you were born, to most likely, the time you will die. Some aren’t such a big deal, like whether to try and sneak another cookie out of the cookie jar while your mom’s not looking, or if you want the green or pink side kick. Decisions can also be life changing, as in saying no to smoking, or giving your life to Christ. Like I said, life changing. Well, I got to thinking about decisions this Sunday morning. As soon as I woke up, my mom said we needed to talk. At first I was like, Oh no she saw the phone bill!!! Then I noticed the expression on her face and knew this was serious business. It turns out that my dad’s mother, my grandma, had a heart attack. So he had flown up there at like 4:00 am to be with her.
He was calling us and giving us updates on how she was and everything. At first, I was scared to talk to him. I could hear him talking to my mom through the phone and, I don’t know, I just had never heard him sound so…….down before. When I finally got the courage to talk to him, I asked him how the flight was, and all that. See the funny thing is he sounded fine all up until I asked him how his mom was. It was like the instant I said mom he felt an impulse that just told him to change. I don’t know. He said she wasn’t doing do well, so I told him she would be fine, told him I loved him and would be praying for her and everything, then I gave my mom the phone back.
By the end of that five minute conversation I had millions of tears running down my face, and millions of thoughts running through my head. What if she doesn’t make it? Is this really happening? God will pull her through it right? It was that last question that really got me going. I had been through death before not to long ago. My great-uncle, whom I was really close, to passed away. I was SO mad at God just asking him why he had taken him away from us. I still don’t know.
Then about half-an-hour later my dad called back. He told my mom the odds were stacked pretty high against her. I was just thinking to my self, “STUPID DOCTORS!!!!! WHAT DO THEY KNOW ANYWAYS?!?!?!?!” I was also pretty scared. I don’t know what I’ll do without her, much less what my dad will do. That got me back to two questions. One: If or if not God would pull her through?, and two: If he didn’t pull her through, then why didn’t he? Well I figured that if she dies, it’s because God wants her with him. So, in the end the doctors don’t really get to decide whether my grandma dies or lives. God does. As Proverbs 3:5-6 says,” Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” So, I guess He’s trying to tell us he does everything for a purpose. I mean everybody always says that but, it’s not always that easy to remember. So anybody out there who knows me, or even if you don’t, just try and help me remember that. I don’t want to be mad at God anymore. I don’t think he wants me to be mad at him either.
Heather Warfield
God Bless You Guys
wow, heather. it can be frustrating when you realize all the cliche’ things people say all the time (like “everything happens for a reason”) are usually true. i know its not easy to trust God in situations like this one…I’m proud of you for choosing to love him even though its hard to understand the situation. We’re praying for you and your family. Thanks for being honest, and treating us like family by trusting us with your struggle!
Wow girl, that’s so awesome that you have come upon that! A lot of things have happened in my life and sometimes the only reason that you can think of is that for some reason God is doing it for you! Everything that happens makes you Heather, so stick with that! The fam’s got your back!